A lot of you know about my past & my traumatizing experience my sophomore year of high school and if you don't your about to find out. I want to start out saying that nobody deserves to be abused in anyway and those who think they have the power to abuse somebody need help. That's what I thought would help the one who abused me (counseling) . However I always knew he was dangerous and that he would continue to harm people. His punishment for what he did to me is not what I believe was enough but is there anything on this earth that is a punishment more terrifying then what is on the other side waiting for him? I don't believe so . Over the last ten years I have had to believe that but it always bothered me he was set free, I always knew he was dangerous and would harm others. Two weeks ago I met Ashlee. Ashlee is a beautiful & intelligent girl, But we didn't meet on the best of circumstances. We met because Ashlee also is a victim of this monster from my past. She recently got thrown by Brandon Sloper out of his truck that was going 65 mph.She was put in the hospital and she cant remember a lot of things and she was really banged up,nothing could hide her beauty though.
When I heard the news of what happenedI cried and felt for her so much. I did all I could to find Ashlee and let her know she's not alone and I would help her no matter what. I wish I had that when I was in pain and suffering but I truly believe there is a reason for everything and helping Ashlee is what I am meant to do.
This story of my past I am about to tell you is not meant for me to get pity or to hurt anybody. It is meant for people to understand what exactly it's like to go through something so heartbreaking and traumatic.
I was sixteen and so excited for high school. I had my best friend with me and we were going to have the time of our lives. The first part of sophomore year was so exciting. We had made new friends, skipped class to go to the mall, I was one of the first to drive so we all would take joy rides in my jeep, we had all the same classes with our group of friends, it was a blast. Brandon Sloper happened to be in our group of friends I instantly was drawn to him and wanted so badly to be with him he to wanted to be with me. It was fun and exciting . His friend was dating my friend and we all were on top of the world. Three months into our relationship things started to change. I noticed he got mad about what I wore to school and who I talked to. He told me things that started to worry me. He told me he would do anything for me and never let me go no matter what. I know I know it sounds sweet right? That's what I thought too. He began to tell me that my best friends were always talking bad about me and turned me against them telling me not talk to them. One day after school I went to Brandon's house. Nobody was there but the two of us, I told Brandon I was going with my friend tanning that night. Brandon got silent and told me to get out of the house ,as I got in my car he came and ripped the keys out of my hand and told me to get in the house .We went to his room and he wrapped his hands around my neck ,holding me down and making it so I couldn't breath. I kept thinking I am going to die !why is he doing this?" he told me if I ever go out with my friends ever again he would kill himself and me. I kept trying to gain the strength to breakthrough and run out the door . He finally let me go but he chased me to the door and locked it and begged me to forgive him. I did and he than would want to have sex and I finally gave in. I was then so attached.
I became sexually active with him but than he wanted to do things I was not comfortable with and it then felt like he was forcing me to or he would hurt me. He became rough ,violent and scary. One night he was so rough and so demanding ,he begged me to say and do things that I didn't want to do. After we were done I knew why. His friend was in the closet taping the whole thing. I felt so violated and disgusted they were laughing about it joking that it was his friends turn. I went home and just cried in the shower. I threatened to leave him and he reminded me if I did he would show everybody the tape and he had this iron rod he hit me with every time I said or did something he didn't like. Each time he hit me he would tell me he was sorry and would say "I am sorry but you made me do this" or "If you tell anybody I will hurt your little sister and nieces"
I felt trapped and I had nobody to turn to. I tried telling my friends and they would tell me to get away from him but as I stayed with him they were frustrated that I wasn't getting away from him and would not talk to me anymore.I felt it was me against Brandon and my friends. He told me he wanted to kill two of my friends and put them in trash bags. He told me my family didn't want me and they were ashamed of me. As stupid as this all sounds I believed every little bit of it. Brandon had taken so much from me that I felt like his slave and he owned me. The hitting and punching became a daily thing , the sex became violent and forceful. We were coming home from school one day and he found a note a guy had wrote me from school saying he would like to take me to the dance. He yelled and went crazy in the car than smashed my head against the dashboard and when we got to my house he grabbed me by my hair told me not to tell anybody then pushed me out of the car as he was backing up. My family knew I had changed but I could not say a thing. I wanted to so bad but day by day he took everything I had. I was no longer living in a free world I was living my life as a slave to Brandon Sloper. The following day he punched me so hard in the chest for not calling him when I was supposed to that he permanently dislocated my chest bone close to my heart.The doctor says he cant do surgery to remove it because it's so close to my heart I wouldn't make it.
I became numb to the hitting and numb to the rape. I had found out I was pregnant and went to his house to tell him . He said to me "well we are not keeping the bastard in fact you are getting an abortion" I denied that and told him I was going to have the baby. He than did something so scary that I peed my pants as he was doing it . He held a knife to my neck and "threatened to kill me" for some reason I couldn't give him this not this , this was not the babies fault , this was one thing I was not going to let him control. After that it was a blur. He kicked me, punched me, pushed me down the stairs ,hit me with the rod numerous times and I lost so much blood. I left his house in the worse pain ever ,I couldn't see strait ,I couldn't breath and I still was bleeding. I drove to a park and literally passed out in my car. I had miscarried. He called me and I would not answer so he waited for me to show up at my house and when I got home he forced me to get in his car. He told me if I told anybody he would tell them it was both of our ideas and we didn't want the baby , he said he would tell my family I was in on it. I kept that secret til I was 23 years old because I felt shame. I felt I was responsible because I could not get away.
After that Brandon became distant and I felt like I only had him so my life became miserable. he would play games and tell me he was out with other girls and he would call me when he wanted me, I wasn't allowed to call him, he made all the rules. My friend Danielle called me one night and wanted me to go out with her and these guys. I thought well why not go out and see how it is since Brandon was clearly occupied.I thought it would be good for me to get out. Right when Danielle showed up at my house Brandon and his friends showed up right after. Danielle was mad they showed up and told me I planned it. I had no idea he would showed up. It was one of his rules, if he showed up at my house I had to be ready and drop everything to go with him. Danielle made me tell him what we had planned and after that he threw me in the truck and slammed my head on the dashboard we were yelling and screaming then he told me to get out but I was dizzy and couldn't see strait. I didn't get out fast enough for him so he got out and dragged me out by the hair. He then punched me and threw me to the ground. He then drove off and threw a bottle at my head calling me names. Danielle looked at me and said "you deserved all of that. You lied to him and me." I could not believe this girl who claimed she was my friend was defending domestic violence.
When I went in to my house I told my parents and they called the cops. It felt so good telling my parents but I still was so worried about what would happen after that.I was so attached and felt like I was his because he had taken so much from me that I wanted to go see him at the police station. Even after all that Brandon did to me I still loved him . I now see it wasn't love it was me feeling empty and falling victim to his abuse. After that I would not go out of the house I was depressed and had been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. I didn't feel safe and I felt like I was a nobody, I felt like I was the monster because my friends were still friends with him, Clearfield high did nothing about it. He was still free to go to school and live a normal life. I had to drop out because I was so scared of going back.
That following year I had to take Brandon to court. My friends all had to testify about what they saw in the hall when Brandon took me by my rib cage and slammed me against the locker. They all saw what happened. In court I became so upset seeing friend after friend get on the stand and lie to protect him. That was so hard and so hurtful. My friend who came with me to court as support turned on me the next day and wrote me all these hurtful things to me on one of the peoples phones who testified the previous day. I felt so alone and so hopeless. Brandon received probation,anger management classes, and a protective order saying he couldn't come near me til I was 18. He got away with so much. I never wanted revenge I simply wanted him to get help so this wouldn't happen to anybody else and yes I think him being in jail would have helped. Unfortunately because my friends and his friends lied as they testified for him , and him not getting the proper punishment Ashlee had to suffer as well. This monster murdered my baby and attempted to murder Ashlee . This monster should be locked up.
I still accomplished my dreams though, I do hair,I went to a private school and got my diploma,I have amazing friends who I can trust,I married an amazing man in the slc temple and have been with him for 4 years. He truly is my answer to all my prayers. I am so happy and I want this for all woman who have fallen victim to abuse. I want them to know there is a way out I also want people ,especially young people to know how to handle a situation like this if their friend is ever a victim of domestic violence. So they know how to be there and understand. I am going to testify and help Ashlee and I am not scared at all I now have the courage to stand up to him. Ashlee and I have became close friends and together I believe we can help people. I have always wanted to go around to high schools and jr. highs and let these kids know how to get out of bad relationships and how to help their friends. Its finally came true me and ashlee are going to start doing Assemblies soon.I now feel in control and free. I blame my friends and his friends just as much as I blame Brandon for what has happened to me and Ashlee , they helped set this monster free.They knew how dangerous he was and still backed him up.
I am at peace in my life now. I slowly over the years put myself all back together again and have grown tremendously from this lifeless girl into this full of life confident woman. I want this so much for Ashlee and all other victims. We are strong survivors who together can make a big difference
Definition
- Domestic Violence is a pattern of coercive behavior characterized by the domination and control of one person over another person, usually and intimate partner, through physical, psychological, emotional, verbal, sexual, and or economic abuse.
Facts
- 1 OUT EVERY 4 American women report that they have been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend.
- Every 15 seconds a woman is battered in the United States by her boyfriend, husband, or live in partner.
- Women are 85 – 95% of the victims of intimate violence.
- At least 25% of domestic violence victims are pregnant when beaten.
- At least 3.3 Million children between the ages of 13 and 19 are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year
- Between 50 – 70% of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children
- One third of high school and college students experience violence in an intimate relationship during their dating years.
Who are the victims?
- Statistically, most victims are women.
- Children can be direct or indirect victims.
- They may be abused
- They may be forced to see a parent abused.
- The abuser may threaten them as a means of control
- Teenagers experience dating violence.
- Can occur in gay and lesbian relationships.
- Elderly and people with disabilities.
- Co-workers
Who are the abusers?
- Abusers typically
- Deny the abuse has occurred or make light of the violence.
- Blame the victim, or other people outside the event
- Abusers do not act because they are out of control.
- Abusers choose to respond to a situation with violence.
- They are not acting out of pure anger.
- They are not reacting to stress.
- Abuse is a learned behavior.
How to help a friend, who is a victim.
- Bring up the subject
- Don’t be afraid to let your friend know your concerns.
- Say that you can see what is happening.
- Let your friend know that they are in a difficult and scary situation.
- Let them know that it is not their fault
- Encourage your friend to express their feeling of hurt and anger.
- Remind your friend that the abuser is 100% responsible.
- It may be difficult for your friend to talk about the situation.
- Don’t buy into your friends denials.
- If your friend denies that it is a dangerous situation. Let them know that you believe that it is serious and dangerous.
- Provide your friend with reading material about domestic violence.
- Go with your friend to when they receive medical treatment, to the police, to court, or to see a lawyer.
- Help your friend develop a safe plan.
- Make sure that the plan puts safety first.
- If you are a victim, let people that care about you know.
- Confide in someone you trust.
- Do not let friends talk you into something that does not feel right. Make your own decisions.
- Leave an emergency kit with a friend.
- Ask a friend to go with you to important appointments.
- Make sure friends know your safety plan.
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